Where Do All The Pens Go?
If you’re an office worker, or someone who regularly requires the use of any kind of pen, you’ll know just how sinister the problem of missing pens is becoming. If I need to spell it out to you I will now: REALLY VERY SINISTER. It started off as what we all thought was a joke in the late 70s, but by the 80s it had transformed into nothing less than an epidemic that swept the UK and United States, leaving offices pen-less and workers increasingly frustrated. Depression and violence appeared sporadically in places, leading to violence and protests. People are worried about CJD, the government making cuts and unemployment…but they are missing the point, if you ask me. In my opinion, the missing pen crisis is more serious than any of the above. How are you going to write “rising unemployment” without a pen, I ask you? (And don’t say on a computer or using a pencil because that’s not the point and you know it.)
Our office has, of late, been particularly badly hit by this phenomenon. One Monday, there was only one pen in the office; every other one that had been brought in had disappeared, giving our small office the nickname “The Bermuda Pen Triangle”. Theories are abound as to who and what is operating. Some say it is a malevolent force which knows no boundaries of evil, while others reckon it’s just that the pens are falling behind sofas and desks. Rubbish I say. Trivialising the missing pens issue in this way only angers the malevolent forces at work further. In short, I fear it will lead the malevolent forces to become bored with stealing pens and to gravitate to more serious crimes: it’s a matter of time until they start sabotaging abstract things like Antarctica cruises , and stealing bigger things, like cars, vans and buses!
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